It might be a lot like yours (or not at all)

The 80-20 Rule for Relationships: Why you don't CHEAT!

In How to be a Princess on November 6, 2007 at 11:18 am

the other night i went to the theater to see one of the best romantic comedy / dramas i’ve seen since Brown Sugar (slight spoiler below, not too bad). Tyler Perry’s “Why Did I Get Married”, starring Janet Jackson and Jill Scott was true to life with the good and the bad. i included the trailer below, but it doesn’t even really do the movie justice…it’s not predictable or cheesy. the entire cast nailed their roles…both jill and janet both made me cry tears of sadness and joy for what they were going through at different times in the movie.

but the reason why i wanted to write about this is because i wanted to share with everyone the “80-20 Rule” for relationships. this rule was discussed by the four guys while they were sitting outside. the two “good men” were explaining the logic behind the rule to the two less than good men. don’t confuse this rule with the economic and philosophical rules out there…this one applies to relationships.

The Rule:

In our relationships, our partner is most likely only able to offer 80% of what we need. There are times when we will find someone who fills in the wholes, offering the other 20%…and because it’s been missing for so long, you think you’ve finally found what you truly need. But be carefully taking risks of cheating, or leaving your 80%…because what you will be left with, is that 20%. Obviously this is no where near as fulfilling as being with someone who offers 80%

this rule is TRUE! in the movie, one of the guys hates that his wife is as big as she is…he constantly makes fun of her weight and finds himself a thinner hottie. he wants to leave his wife for her, and does. then later in the movie, he realizes he has this hot, thin woman on his arm…but she doesn’t have any of the qualities that his ex did. so he’s left with 20%. same thing can happen if you cheat with that 20%…you may get caught, get the boot, and lose your 80%.

in real life, i’ve seen this occur in my friends relationships and thoughts have entered my head during my previous relationship as well. you have a man, but there are things he just doesn’t do for you. maybe it’s that he doesn’t want to DO anything fun, maybe he doesn’t like to gossip or talk about mushy stuff, maybe he’s not as attractive as other guys, maybe he doesn’t satisfy you under the sheets. and then…here comes along this guys who can satisfy that missing link. tempting, eh?

but you have to ask yourself if the list of things missing is longer than the list of what’s there, time to move on. but if your list of what’s there is longer than the few things missing…try to talk to your man and make it work! but if it’s still a lost cause and the thing that’s missing is unfixable, might be time to leave this one. i’m a firm believe that most of those things i listed, if they are missing and they are important to you, then you can’t be satisfied by your relationship. if you are okay with finding a friend to do the fun activities with, then no problem. but if it makes you sad that your man isn’t a fun activity partner, than it’s really just a waste of time. imagine if you just ignore your dissatisfaction and you find yourself married 10yrs later, totally unhappy and feeling locked in ::shutter::

good luck out there! don’t ruin a good thing if you got it, and if you don’t got it…move on!

  1. This is so true! I think of it all the time when things get rough with my spouse.

  2. So true! If you’re a good man or woman and your partner does you wrong and leaves you for a 20%, don’t dismay: they will regret their choice!! Karma kickback is the worse and u always reap what you sow!!!

  3. yeah its def true… *sighs* but that 20%er was sure seemin like 150% while in the moment… its amazing how something so innocent can be blown to enormous proportions when you process everything in your mind. you gotta take it for what its worth, and not glorify or awfulize any situation. good read.

  4. This was a great movie, and me and my fiance watched it together…

    We both laughed and got teary eyed in this movie as well …

    come to my surprise …. a beautiful thing came to an end , when i found out she had met another male here at the place we work, and she was having an affair of the heart…

    This really has tore me apart, but Im comforted in knowing that im an 80 … and one day maybe she will realize that .. one day too late

  5. This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever read. Are you a girl? Only a female would think like this. If so, it’s okay, you’re forgiven. (Okay, I see that you are, good.) But it’s pretty pathetic that in the movie the GUYS were the one who said this.

    Don’t leave the borefriend who gives you 80% of what you need for that 20% you’ve always craved…uh huh….

    How about you stop settling and find someone who offers you the 100% YOU need.

    This will change your life.

  6. ross

    i have a problem with the fact that you believe that it is even possible that a human that is made with flaws could complete someone 100% . for the simple fact that you believe this tells me that you are naive and imature to the reality that no one is perfect therefore you can not be 100% complete by another human . the person that stated this rule obviously knows we all have flaws.


  7. Sisters: If you are looking for some male support on this, I am a witness. In short, I messed up. I destroyed my long term marriage with my 80%, and divorced her. Only to be with one 20% after another. I finally married one of the 20%’s, and now, I got what I deserved.

    Fellas, I learned to late, and if you are open to saving your marriage with your 80%… Look up “Love and Respect” on the internet. Take the class, and read the book. You and your wife practice it every day, and you will find that your life is great with your 80%.

    A guy stuck with a 20%, that wishes he had not lost the 80%.

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