It might be a lot like yours (or not at all)

Archive for February, 2009|Monthly archive page

Writing Fears.

In Uncategorized on February 22, 2009 at 8:24 pm

So it’s become really apparent to me that I need to write, right now…and probably forever.  Might even consider something larger with it, but for now it’s mostly about the personal need.

However, there is a reason why I do hold back in my writing. And by hold back I mean hold back as far as subject matter, content, truth, what they call “putting it out there”, as well as a general fear of revealing so much only to feel a reaction of so little. It scares the crap out of me really.

To pour my soul into something for so long and then not really have it make a splash. Or do I not even want to try to make a splash. And then what about all the people that I’ve then allowed into the depth of where my mind, heart, and soul have been. Do I even want that? Hm. So much to think about. Either way I’m just going to move forward with what I’m working on and continue to then work on additional projects. I plan to build a portfolio and return to some earlier work and see what’s there.  Pretty exciting, also really scary.

Just wanted to put that out there as a first step toward CONTINUING with what I’m starting. It’s not about discipline at this point, but instead it’s about belief that something needs to be said.

Pregnancy Survey!

In I'm a Baby Mama! on February 18, 2009 at 6:57 pm
  • Is this your first baby? Yes!

  • Were you trying to get pregnant? Nooo! lol

  • How far along were you when you found out? 5 weeks, I just knew…

  • What was your reaction? Burst into very tragic tears…”Holysh!t, how did this happen…how will my life change, how will I make this work so we’re still happy, what will my man think of this, how will it effect our relationship.”

  • Who was the first person you told? My bff Megan who calmed me down and pushed me to tell my bf immedietely, I was scared to tell my bf because I didn’t know how he’d react and felt like he might be upset and leave me. He didn’t and now we are engaged hehe, love that man!

  • How did you tell the father? “I took a pregnancy test because my period was late and it was positive” lol

  • What was his reaction? Very supportive, but as rattled as I was. We just stared at the ceiling a few nights in a row going over everything in our heads and talking. He was and is a total rock for me, first time in my life anyone other than mom has been that for me.

  • When is your due date? July 5th!

  • Did you have any morning sickness? Just nausea but it certainly did suck.

  • Did you want a boy or girl? I didn’t really have an opinion at first, and initially hoped for an “older brother” in the fam, but then I just knew it was a girl, so did DF, then I began to crave that it was a girl.

  • Do you know what you’re having? A girl!!!

  • Do you plan on a natural or medicated birth? Planning natural, studying Hypnobabies with my birth-Doula, and will be okay with meds if real complications arise.

  • Are you scared about labor? No, I plan to be prepared and am really in touch with my body so I’m looking forward to the challenge and hoping for the best!

  • Do you think you will cry when you see the baby for the first time? Not sure, if not right at that moment, probaby soon thereafter.

  • Who is going to be with you?: My DF, doula, Dr, and nurses…mom wants to be in delivery room but I don’t know about that…perhaps during labor but not the actual final pushing stage is where my head is at on that currently.

  • Are you going to video tape it?: Not that actual crowning and emergence of the baby haha…but I am sure DF may have his vid camera there taking clips throughout the process, I won’t mind that 🙂

  • Do you know what you will say to the baby when you first hold it?: Probably sing “happy birthday” like my mom did 🙂

  • Do you have a name picked out?: Regina Jade…calling her Jade although now Regina is growing on me too!

  • Is your baby going to be named after anyone?: Yes, her grandpa is Reginald(Reggie) Sr, her daddy is Reginald(Reggie) Jr, and she is Regina 🙂 It means Queen.

  • What do you think the baby will be a “daddy’s girl/boy” or a “mommy’s girl/boy”?: I think she will LOVE doing girly things with mama if she’s into that, but definitely a daddy’s-girl, which will be really great.
  • Going to friend's babyshower while pregnant myself…

    In I'm a Baby Mama!, me! me! me! on February 16, 2009 at 10:17 am

    I really college roomie’s baby shower on Sunday. I got to see the girls–the four of us were roommates, met in the dorms, good friends, worked together at Trader Joe’s, etc. And it was male and female so there was lots of drinks and very little games haha. I totally enjoyed myself!

    However, I must say–it was really bizzare to be there and be pregnant at someone else’s shower. The reasoning is this, let’s see if you can crawl up into my mind and dip down into my heart… One of the joys of pregnancy is sharing it with your friends! It’s a really joyous situation. I’m so used to seeing my dear friends and it’s always a mini celebration–one gets a certain amount of attention when pregnant, and I like it because it’s not really ME as the center of attention, but rather it’s my baby and she deserves it!

    So to be somewhere, seeing friends I’ve known for 10yrs yet haven’t seen in nearly a year, and feel the need to downplay my prenancy and excitement…is strange. I felt the need to do that because clearly it wasn’t my shower, the day will come when it is my shower, and also there wasn’t excitement being generated for my baby anyway. Most likely no one really knew I was pregnant and just thought my body is really shaped like this (how sad!) I felt a bit left out. Kinda second rate. I will definitely learn from this and keep it in mind if I ever have a pregnant friend at my shower, because it really is so special.

    You know what it’s like? (And I’ve been in this situation a million times also). Your bday is June 11th, your friends’ is June 9th. Her party is on June 10th, yet there is no shared celebration–it’s only really her part and no one else there really knows it’s your bday at midnight. That is why I am a big fan and proponant of the joint-bday celebration…or at least making a major announcement, giving them a sparkly hat too or something. Or perhaps I look after the feelings of others too much, or more than the average human.

    Note: The expecting parents, and party hostess did do a wonderful job of acknowledging my pregnancy. This post is more of what went on in MY (vulnerable, emotional, hormonal) head.

    "How are you feeling?"

    In Uncategorized on February 12, 2009 at 12:20 pm

    I’ve decided that this question, is one of the most beautiful things about pregnancy. Never in my entire life, have I been asked so frequently and caringly how I am feeling. Acquantinces, coworkers, friends, family, and my fiance–everyone deeply cares about how I am feeling. Am I excited? Exhuasted? Nauseous? Uncomfortable? Nervous? Joyous? Being asked this makes me feel special and loved, and deepens my connection with everyone around me.

    It really makes me think about how much this question has an impact on a person and on interactions and relationships. Think about how you would answer this question if the person asking it REALLY cared about your answer. Now think about the most common greeting, “How are you doing?”, “How’ve you been?”, “What’s up?”, “What’s new?”. When people ask this, the answer they receive is usually relatively short and protocal, impersonal. And the feeling of being asked this is so standard–like it’s obviously a standard greeting and it’s not that they really want to hear a long, personal answer.

    “How are you feeling?” It is music to my ears! Answering it can be honest, or complete bullshit, but when asked with care…the answer is usually one of honesty and appreciation. Thank you to everyone who has asked this and clearly cares, it’s just beautiful!