It might be a lot like yours (or not at all)

Archive for October, 2009|Monthly archive page

You are now a MILF.

In Uncategorized on October 22, 2009 at 7:20 pm

Ladies, huddle close. There is something I want you to be prepared for. Well you’re not going to be prepared for it regardless of what I tell you, just like nearly everything else having to do with motherhood, but let this serve as a hint at how drastic a change this new role can be. You’ve been home with your little one, getting settled in and zombie-ing your way through the exciting whirlwind of the first days with your new baby. You’re getting into it, you can do this mom thing – your baby is still alive, congratulations! You are taking a zillion pics with your camera AND camera phone and emailing them to friends and family, and uploading to Facebook as proof that you really are a mother now and really do have a baby. But still, I don’t think it really sinks in that you are a ‘mother’ and have a ‘child’ until you are out amongst the rest of society…just you and your babe…where you will, for the first time, truly feel the dramatic shift you have created for yourself with this new title.

For me, this moment I’m referring to crept up slowly, then hit me real hard…so hard there was a hormonal tear threatening to let loose from my left eye. I was at the Beverly Center in Beverly Hills about a week after the birth of my baby. We were strolling around the mall together. I spent most of the trip smiling at how adorable my daughter looked in her stroller in the new pink and purple t-shirt dress I got for her on sale from Gymboree, and those eyes…those cheeks…those lips…that HAIR. Honestly, I don’t even know what I would have been shopping for, maybe cheap cloths from Forever 21, but more likely just as an excuse to get out of the apt.

I was waiting for the elevator and out of the corner of my eye I noticed a tall, black, male who most people would consider good looking. He kinda sorta looked at me, but not really…like a half-glance that would be given to any random person. It certainly wasn’t the same kind of look that I usually got from this breed of man. Then it hit me. I’m not just some chick walking around the mall. I am now a mom walking around the mall. It wasn’t something I could hide, since I was pushing my baby in her (super cute) stroller, diaper bag and all. I was transparently and obviously a mom; a new mom to be specific and I wasn’t surprised that tall-man didn’t look twice.

It really hit me hard, this new identity. I realized how foreign I felt to myself. But at the same time, it felt so comfortable…comforting actually. However, I did feel rather unsexy pushing a baby and sporting a “fresh from the delivery table, not yet fully-deflated” mom-bod. But not to worry, in the past few months, I definitely got my sexy back. I’ve been cat-called at and hit-on by various men in the past few months, while pushing the baby and sporting the mom-bod. And you know what that means don’t you!? It means I’m a MILF…I’d always hoped I’d be a MILF!

No naptime routine?

In I'm a Baby Mama! on October 14, 2009 at 6:31 pm

Sure, we have a bedtime routine (baby yoga, bath, jammies, bottle, rocking chair, sleep), but it never occurred to me to have a naptime routine until I read The Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg. It was her Supernanny-like British voice that prompted me to begin one, and it is working like a charm.

Naptime Hippo

Naptime Hippo

Our Naptime Routine: We dim the lighting in the room (lights + shade), we swaddle, we rock and give a bottle if needed, we read a story for as long as she can stand it, then we have a visit from the Naptime Hippo who plays a lullaby when her tail is pulled, then we rock some more play the sleep-fighting game (you know, the one where she cries because she’s tired then eventually konks out), then she’s out! Consistency is absolutely the key here, as for any routine.

Well we’ve been doing this for a few weeks now, since our mini-me was 10weeks old, and the consistency is really starting to pay off…much to my relief. She knows it’s naptime when we begin the routine and is very calm and so much less fussy. Babygirl enjoys the books much more now as she gets older, and one the Naptime Hippo stops by, she is ready to sleep. We might get a tiny peep out of her to protest the nap, but with just a simple re-insertion of the paci, she’s out.

The Result

The Result

If you don’t have a naptime routine yet, I highly recommend starting one no matter your child’s age. I can see how helpful it will be when we have babysitters who can follow it, or if I need her to go down for a nap in a strange place…and it’s already paying off for the day-to-day naps. Good luck!The Result of our Naptime Routine

Washing the mom off.

In I'm a Baby Mama! on October 13, 2009 at 5:59 pm

It’s been another long day filled with milky, drooly burp cloths, pee-filled diapers so heavy you could break a window with them, and the never-ending cycle of picking-up, putting-away, and washing. You take a quick glance at the clock, and realize the day is almost over. Is that happiness that’s overcoming you? Well try not to be too excited; you’re supposed to be enjoying every moment of being a mommy especially since it “goes by so fast” as they always say. Still, if the day is almost over, that means your man is coming home soon, which is hopefully something still semi-exciting for you (it’s the little things!).

Because of all your hard work all day, your home is in good enough order and ::gasp::, your little one is napping! Now please take a moment to survey your situation and appreciate how rare moments like these are, where the stars have aligned in a way that would actually allow you to do something not baby or home related, something for that person you so frequently forget about…YOU! If you are fortunate enough to be in this predicament, a second shower for the day is the recommended course of action because admit it, you smell (damn hormones!). And don’t even think about hopping on the laptop for a minute, because this rare window of opportunity will vanish as fast as your little one can spit up.

Instead, what I want you to do, is move the baby-monitor to the bathroom if it’s not already there, and peel off your mom-uniform (you know…yoga pants and a tank-top and/or zip-up depending on the temperature). Toss them into a pile on the floor because you will not be putting those slightly sweaty, mom-funky cloths back on after what’s about to go down. Now, turn on the shower….nice and hot, that’s it. Let the bathroom steam up a bit, but not for too long! You know that baby could realize the paci has fallen out at any moment and begin grunting until you get there, which could turn into a full-on wail if you don’t get there in time, which could lead to a fully awake baby, thereby ruining the nap-time completely which will produce an over-tired, cranky baby and a half-bathed mom. So keep it moving, and get in the shower.

Grab your too-big-because-you-need-a-new-one body poof and squeeze the most creamy, moisturizing, sensual smelling body wash you have. If you just have one body wash, then you need to step your game up. I personally have three to choose from at the moment: A squeaky-clean lavender wash for when I feel contaminated or need to relax (which are often synonymous), a citrus scented get-up-and-go wash with scrubby beads which I often use after a workout or in the morning or when coffee isn’t working, and a luxurious, super sudsy wash that makes me smell like a Victoria’s Secret model looks. In this particular instance, I would choose that last one, but use whatever you have.

Now go ahead and rub and smoosh that body-poof all over your body, in every single nook and cranny, with the goal of producing an extreme amount of frothy bubbles. And don’t be afraid to scrub. You want to be scrubbing with the kind of rigor that will wash the mom off and get you feeling fresh and sexy. If you hear any peeps or squeaks on the baby-monitor, take an extra moment to indulge a bit in this scrub-down until you’re sure that you’re needed, at which point, immediately abort mission and sprint (safely) into the baby’s room to see how you can best salvage the nap.

If you’re lucky enough to not yet hear anything from your little one at this point, then bravo, well-timed and executed. Okay, now quickly rinse off, wash your face, shave anywhere that could be visible or touched before your next shower, and get the hell out of there. Dry yourself off at least 35% and immediately begin to lotion up. This is a very important step, so make sure it smells really good and enticing. Go check on the baby, put some cloths on (it’s okay to put on a new mom-uniform, but do add something MILF-y like diamond earrings and a touch of mascara).

You still have a few minutes before your man gets home, so go sit where you usually sit, or do what you usually do, relishing in how gloriously self-indulgent your 12 minutes of Me Time was. When your man comes in, just let him smell your freshness…perhaps he will even feel your soft cleanliness if he touches your arm during his “Hello” Smooch. In addition to your delicate Me Time, that’s what you did all this for, ladies. Not because you intended on getting laid later that night (would be a lovely side-effect though!). Instead, you did this to remind your man how sexy and tempting you can be (trust me, he noticed and might have even got a semi). And to show off your supreme mom-skills that are so acute that you can have the entire home sparkling, the baby calm, and be just chillin’ out being fresh and sexy when he comes home, unlike pretty much every other day when he comes home, but we won’t get into that right here and now.

But really, you did this for you. To wash the mom off of you and feel un-mommy for the entire 2-3min between the time you started scrubbing the mom off and the time you checked on the baby right after the lotion-up. That is, unless, you were beckoned on the baby-monitor before you even got all the mom off. If that’s the case, try again in a few weeks, when the stars might align this way again…believe me those 2-3min will be worth your effort!