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Archive for the ‘How to be a Princess’ Category

ok i'm back again…trying to be, at least!

In beauty and the biz, How to be a Princess, me! me! me!, Shape Up...or Ship Out! on September 8, 2008 at 9:17 pm

MAN has it been a long time since I’ve posted. Not to mention my last few posts that I’ve left lingering here are kinda not great. It’s interesting I still receive steady traffic, that’s pretty cool.

I’ve had the intention of writing something for 3 months. I haven’t written anything in the past 3 months. What happened 3 months ago you might ask yourself and myself?

Four major things happened within a single week, that’s what.

  1. I decided to fully commit to living a healthy lifestyle to finally get back in shape.
  2. To do that, I decided to stop partying like a madwoman all the time or ever actually.
  3. I turned 28 years old and really felt like a “28 year old” after having felt “23” for the past 5yrs.
  4. With this newfound clear-head that occurs when you stop drinking, get older, and live healthier, I realized it was time to quit my job.

All of those things played an integral part in the lifestyle and mindset that resulted and continued over the 3 months that followed. I pretty much had a major transition. It was intense. One day I woke up from it all, and was officially back to my old self, but as a new and improved version of that self.

For the next few entries, I will be discussing points 1-4. I have some things to say about them.


you know it's that time of the month when…

In How to be a Princess on March 29, 2008 at 1:44 pm

1. your lower back feels like your 82yrs old

2. your in a bad mood for no reason (that was yesterday)

3. you are constantly hungry for everything bad for you

4. you’re more impatient, annoyed, and irritable that usual

5. you start tearing up while reading an inspiring article in Essence mag about becoming a millionaire while listening to Dorothy Moore’s 1976 “Misty Blue”

::sigh::

Your responsibility to your partner…

In beauty and the biz, How to be a Princess on March 25, 2008 at 6:49 pm

I came across these points in my “Seeds of Success” newsletter from SuccessMagazine.com which was once my favorite magazine and apparently is no longer, but seems to have come back in some “old white man” form. Still–the content is inspiring and helpful. My original cheering on of Success Magazine can be found HERE.

Here is the part that grabbed me most:

3 Keys to Lasting Love

  1. Honor — respecting your spouse for all of his or her individual qualities as well as differences from you.
  2. Communication — speaking to one another in a way that moves conversations and conflict into deeper realms of understanding.
  3. Constant Renewal — recharging your spouse emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually.

The part that stood out to me and I’ve never really thought about was #3 “constant renewal”. It’s saying that we have a responsibility to our significant other to recharge them in various ways. I think this is important because it does require thought, reflection, effort, and innovative thinking. Naturally, some people are better at this that others.

But still, it really jumped out to me that this is central. Think of what happens when part of a relationship stops caring about stimulating and inspiring the other. Things become dull, boring, repetitive, uninspired…and I think most importantly, the person not being satisfied in that way can really FEEL that their significant other just doesn’t care and isn’t putting effort into rejuvenating them. And it sucks.

It’s an interesting perspective to think in…I recommend trying it.

Staying in contact in 2008.

In How to be a Princess on March 13, 2008 at 5:34 pm

Dear Friends,

It’s 2008. I have a blackberry where I get emails 24/7. I get texts, google-chat, and instant messenger (aim) on my blackberry 24/7 as well. I have a blog. I’m also on Myspace, and Facebook. I have a camera on my phone where I send messages, and a digital camera where I only upload things to the internet and never print them out–most of these pix end up on Myspace and Facebook. I’m a very digital girl living in an increasingly digital world.

For those of you who talk to me nearly daily on aim or google-chat, or texts…you know how readily available I am to gab. But when it comes to phone calls and meeting up, not quite so easy. I have actually formed several friendships with people solely because we talk so much online. I make plans like lunch, dinner, or going out to a party/club online with the people I talk to online. I have faded away with many friends who aren’t regularly online. In a way, this does me a little sad, very actually. But mostly I’m sad that they aren’t online because then I know we’d be closer, haha!

The truth is people, I’m busy. And in love. So what that means is, I work all day busily…and on the weekends busily. And during the evenings and nights, I am sitting around with hearts in my eyes. I seem to respond well to friends who say “Lana let’s do this on this day”…but regretfully, it has been hard for me to suggest many hang-out sessions myself…even tho I do want to, and love it every dang time! Oh–and I’ve also ceased going out during the weekdays when I can avoid it, so that’s less of an option. And on weekends, I try NOT to go out so I can workout on the weekends like I do during the week and be productive all day, instead of in bed and hungover. Still, I go out and go big at least once each weekend so holla!

So I just wanted to say, to all my wonderful friends–if there is any way you can submerge yourself in the technological wonders of 2008 by getting a myspace page, unlimited text messages, or an aim account–please hit me up!

And for those of you who do not, and just aren’t that into these types of digital platforms…I miss you!!!!!!!!!

I think I need to join a tech-friend club. Cuz tech-heavy friends really are quite different than non-tech heavy friends. We talk throughout the day about stupid, random, funny, frustrating moments and are the for each other. We drunk-text. We comment on myspace pix. We send pix of adorable puppies from one phone to the other. It’s great. I really prefer that kind of friendship (accompanied by the physical interaction when possible), am I weird?

Warm regards,

Lana

Should you have/make a new opposite-sex friend when in a serious relationship?

In How to be a Princess on January 5, 2008 at 4:52 pm

This is a topic I’ve come face-to-face with on multiple occasions. In one instance, I would say it pretty much ruined our relationship. Developing a bestfriendship with someone of the opposite sex while in a serious relationship is a no-no. I spent months trying to convince someone of this. I’d say that if you disagree, you either aren’t serious yet or are still to immature to understand this concept.

Here I sit, with no pesky opposite-sex friends in the orbit if my current relationship and feeling quite happy about it. And I happened to watch the movie Juno in theater the other week (great movie). There is a part in the movie where the girl is becoming friends with a married man and she just doesn’t understand why her stepmother is telling her to back off and it’s not right. She says they have so much in common and get along, they’re just friends, it’s not a big deal. And the stepmother holds firm, saying–you have a lot to learn…once you get married you will understand why that’s not okay.

She implies it’s part maturity, part respect, and part commitment as to why someone would purposely shield off opposite-sex friendships. And at a point in my life now…when I’m not being told I’m trippin for agreeing with her…I couldn’t feel better about my decisions to strike the hope of any new or rekindled male friendships into my life.

Call me old-fashioned or conservative…or better yet, you can just call me in love.

The 80-20 Rule for Relationships: Why you don't CHEAT!

In How to be a Princess on November 6, 2007 at 11:18 am

the other night i went to the theater to see one of the best romantic comedy / dramas i’ve seen since Brown Sugar (slight spoiler below, not too bad). Tyler Perry’s “Why Did I Get Married”, starring Janet Jackson and Jill Scott was true to life with the good and the bad. i included the trailer below, but it doesn’t even really do the movie justice…it’s not predictable or cheesy. the entire cast nailed their roles…both jill and janet both made me cry tears of sadness and joy for what they were going through at different times in the movie.

but the reason why i wanted to write about this is because i wanted to share with everyone the “80-20 Rule” for relationships. this rule was discussed by the four guys while they were sitting outside. the two “good men” were explaining the logic behind the rule to the two less than good men. don’t confuse this rule with the economic and philosophical rules out there…this one applies to relationships.

The Rule:

In our relationships, our partner is most likely only able to offer 80% of what we need. There are times when we will find someone who fills in the wholes, offering the other 20%…and because it’s been missing for so long, you think you’ve finally found what you truly need. But be carefully taking risks of cheating, or leaving your 80%…because what you will be left with, is that 20%. Obviously this is no where near as fulfilling as being with someone who offers 80%

this rule is TRUE! in the movie, one of the guys hates that his wife is as big as she is…he constantly makes fun of her weight and finds himself a thinner hottie. he wants to leave his wife for her, and does. then later in the movie, he realizes he has this hot, thin woman on his arm…but she doesn’t have any of the qualities that his ex did. so he’s left with 20%. same thing can happen if you cheat with that 20%…you may get caught, get the boot, and lose your 80%.

in real life, i’ve seen this occur in my friends relationships and thoughts have entered my head during my previous relationship as well. you have a man, but there are things he just doesn’t do for you. maybe it’s that he doesn’t want to DO anything fun, maybe he doesn’t like to gossip or talk about mushy stuff, maybe he’s not as attractive as other guys, maybe he doesn’t satisfy you under the sheets. and then…here comes along this guys who can satisfy that missing link. tempting, eh?

but you have to ask yourself if the list of things missing is longer than the list of what’s there, time to move on. but if your list of what’s there is longer than the few things missing…try to talk to your man and make it work! but if it’s still a lost cause and the thing that’s missing is unfixable, might be time to leave this one. i’m a firm believe that most of those things i listed, if they are missing and they are important to you, then you can’t be satisfied by your relationship. if you are okay with finding a friend to do the fun activities with, then no problem. but if it makes you sad that your man isn’t a fun activity partner, than it’s really just a waste of time. imagine if you just ignore your dissatisfaction and you find yourself married 10yrs later, totally unhappy and feeling locked in ::shutter::

good luck out there! don’t ruin a good thing if you got it, and if you don’t got it…move on!

maybe i don't want you to care!

In How to be a Princess on October 15, 2007 at 2:55 pm

on The Hills the other day, (yes i admit i did watch this show the other night, it’s not a regular thing for me), one of LC aka Lauren Conrad’s friends said something surprisingly profound. she said something like:

sometimes, when a friend cares too much…they will end up pushing that friend away.

and i couldn’t agree with the stupid airhead more. i like to give advice and i end up caring so much about troubled friends that i take on the weight of their issues myself to a large extent. i have recently stopped doing this. i cannot change the world. and i’m not responsible for changing the lives of my friends. i’m not solely responsible for their happiness, success, and survival. it’s a harsh and melancholy acceptance, but necessary.

What Happens and Why:

in a few instances, it’s obvious that when one friend brings up what they disapprove about in the other friend…often times the friend with issues will withdraw. usually it’s because they aren’t ready to face their issues, and don’t like someone always watching them. it’s hard to stand by…but at some point, i realized that i have plenty of issues and goals that i need to deal with myself, i’m not a career counselor, so i don’t need to deal with everyone’s b.s…even tho they all still have my love and support, and an ear to listen and a mouth to advise any time they’d like.

Solution and How to Care:

what i have found to be the absolute best method for knowing when to infringe your care on someone else…is when they bring it up to you. ask questions that may bring out some kind of response in them that would lead to discussion. read their response, and if they don’t seem to want your advice, don’t give it! just drop it.

Family Example:

for example, my mom recently offered care and concern on a topic i didn’t really want or need any advice on (you know how moms are, gotta love em!), and her involvement made me uncomfortable. knowing i should assert myself, i explained to her why this bothered me and we both agreed she could have tested the waters by asking me questions about it and seeing if i thought i needed some help figuring out the situation. the key here is asserting yourself, communication, and respect.

Friend Example:

i also have a dear friend who seems to be going thru some shyt. knowing there are problems, i have chosen to just let her come to me instead of trying to save her day, world, and inspire her to make the right change. and sure enough…she’s ready for some girltalk, so we have a call this evening to catch-up.

What to Remember:

unsolicited advice on topics people don’t want to hear about will annoy them and make them defensive. approach delicately and let them open up to you first.

How to make friends…

In How to be a Princess on October 9, 2007 at 9:00 pm

i hear a lot of people say they “need new friends” or “don’t have any good friend”…say if they just moved, or left a serious relationship, or need to leave a group of druggies, or just plain need a change!

i think these are some great tips. i especially like the idea of joining new classes or going new places. i’ve been befriended by randoms mostly thru meeting new people in various music scenes. all it takes is me or them getting contact info, or in person, inviting them somewhere to do something you both enjoy and then see if ya click.

here is what Psychology Today says.

PSYCHOLOGY TODAY MAGAZINE

Six Ways to Make a Friend
The older we get, the harder it is to make new friends. How to bond with fresh faces.

By:Karen Karbo

Since the 1980s the number of Americans who say they have no one to talk to has doubled. Where and how do adults make friends?

  • Sign up for a group travel adventure: People tend to bond more easily when out of their comfort zone. The experience will provide an instant group of people with whom you share a unique memory.
  • Take a class in something you love; enthusiasm is contagious.
  • Get a dog (a pet is also good for your heart) and show up every morning at your local dog park. People love to chat about their pooches.
  • Track down old high school or college pals who live in your area, and see if old friendships can be resumed.
  • Take a fresh look at your neighbors, coworkers, classmates, fellow gym bunnies—the people you meet and greet on a regular basis. If you’ve been standoffish, say hello. If you’ve traded hellos for months, engage them in conversation.
  • Smile.

Full Article is HERE

 

 

marrying a Jamacian man…

In How to be a Princess on October 3, 2007 at 1:41 pm

okay–

please be warned…while you may love the cute accent, i hear (and everyone else hears) that Jamaican men really change once they are officially married. even my girl, she thought her man would be different, but nope…the same as all the rest.

so if you are thinking of marrying a Jamaican…get ready for these traits, spoken directly from a chicky who is married to one!

“They’re posessive, demanding, violent, look down to women, argumentative, snappy, its there way or no way and on and on…”

yes…even Bob Marley…(i read the bio his wife wrote…)

my korean market

In How to be a Princess, me! me! me! on September 29, 2007 at 1:14 pm

the korean market down the street, like walking distance, is the shyt! it’s a large market with a large produce section.

the produce section has great prices on all kinds of produce, stuff i didn’t even know existed. you know how asians like to use green onions and scallions in their cooking? well this place has SIX varieties of the vegetable. amazing!

then the meat section…the best thing about asian markets is their meat is prepared so that it’s totally ready for use. the cuts are great, they are often sliced thin and cut into strips or cubes, or just great larger whole cuts.

the fish omg. it’s like straight off the boat–a fish monger clearly just brings stuff directly there. i now have to cook whole fish, just because they have them there…tons of varieties of whole fish and fresh shrimp with the heads still on. then of course–all the grade A sushi cuts, MM!

the asian candy is an exciting aisle, because the packaging is so cute and fun. and the tastes are all a little different but really good.

they’ve got a great fresh/packaged foods section, and several little mini-restaurants where people order food to go or sit and eat.

not only was the experience fun, but i will be back–that produce and meat cannot be beat! my two favorite grocery shopping loves: korean market with green awning, and the grove’s farmers market. mmm. (whole foods is great too, i just don’t go there often.